Hope

In a discussion this week, I was asked what "hope" means to me.  As I pondered that for a moment, my first thought was my hope of heaven.

When Jim was in the ICU on the Monday before he died, the doctor explained his situation to us and told us that he expected Jim only had 3-5 days to live. As horrible as that was to hear, I will never forget the look on Jim's face when our eyes met.  It was a sadness to know that he would be leaving me and we would be apart. But a peace was interwoven in that look because we knew he was headed for heaven and his suffering with leukemia would end.  I remember wishing I could go with him somehow.  As I reflect on that time now, I have come to realize what a blessing God gave us in that moment.  He allowed us to take it all in and say what we wanted to say to each other as we prepared for our time apart.  How gentle and loving our Father was to us during that time. 

To say I am going through a period of adjustment now that Jim is gone is an understatement. Even though right now I have moments that are painful because I miss Jim so much, I know one day, like him, I will spend my eternity in heaven with our Lord, and I will see Jim again.  What I struggle with now is adjusting to what seems to be a new plan for me, but in reality was God's plan all along.  What will my life look like between now and when I go home to be with the Lord?  As I have pondered this, fear has gripped me.  But each day, I fight that fear by spending time in the Lord's presence and telling Him, "I am trusting You again for today."  This, among other things, is my daily communication with God.  I am comforted each day to realize that God is in control and that His love for me is beyond my understanding and that He does have a plan for my life.  So I have hope not only in heaven but for my time remaining on this earth.

This is what Psalm 9:10 says:  "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."


Psalm 27:13-14 is also a comfort to me.  "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

The Season for Birthdays

Kyle is 14 today.  Hard to believe he is that old already. Remember the day he was born?  We were able to celebrate even though we knew challenges were ahead.  God gave us the time to adjust to the plan He had for Kyle and for us.  What a hidden blessing we have in this child.

Seems like he should be celebrating with his father today as well, but we are grateful for the sweet memories we have. Our ways are not always God's ways and yet we trust His wisdom and goodness and know His sweet love for us.  This is a favorite picture of Jim and Kyle that really shows the love and the bond between them.

Birthday Celebration Without You

Jim - Yesterday was Steven's birthday. Seventeen years old. We are missing you as we celebrate. Remember these?

This is the kid that always keeps us laughing and always keeps us on our toes. Wish you were here to help him blow out his candles.

Miss you like crazy and love you so much,

Marilyn